My room smells like vodka and shame
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
