and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
