rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
