There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
