she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
