I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
