I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
