she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
