try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
