May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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