so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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