Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
