My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
