You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
