whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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