You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
