oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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