in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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