hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
