I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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