dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
then he tried to convert me to islam
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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