he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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