I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
