I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
