Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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