MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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