I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
