At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
