and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
