I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
