You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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