Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
