So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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