just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
