I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
