thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
