Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
