If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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