how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
