so let's talk penis.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize