he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
