Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
