the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
