Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
