Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
