You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
