Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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