im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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