I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
