They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
this hospital has no fireball
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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