At least make sure they are 18
Why
My first STD was from a foam party
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
false alarm. still invincible.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
