nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
