Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
