fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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