I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
