I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
