...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
