I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
