Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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