We got so high we made milksteak
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
