I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
