Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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