does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
