Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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