my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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