Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just had sex bonerless
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
