When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
