ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
