he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
