Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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