First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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