The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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