Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
