ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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