I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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