I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
