The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
