Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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