I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize