He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
