He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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