Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
