i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
