Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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