he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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