Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
