i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
